THE AMERICAN UNCIVIL WARS

On the first warm day of spring in Montgomery, Ala., MichaelWalcott takes his guitar down to Loveless Elementary School andwages war on incivility.

Speak clearly, he tells the sixth-graders of Loveless. Do notuse profanity, chew gum in class or answer the phone in anunpleasant voice. Do show respect for your elders, say "please" and"thank you," and most of all, treat others the way you want to betreated. Then Walcott plugs his guitar into a pair of giant ampsand sweetens the struggle to save civilization with a little soulmusic.

"All the world over, it's easy to see; People everywhere need alittle courtesy," he sings in an original composition set to a1960s pop tune. "Shout it from the mountain so everyone can see;Courtesy can bring harmony."

After finishing the song, Walcott asks the sixth-graders:"Would you behave more courteously in school if I promise to comeback and play a concert for you?"

"No!" they exclaim in unison.

Walcott's song is an anthem out of season. It's a lonely pleafor the virtue of respect in a time when schools use metaldetectors to keep out guns and knives; when universities insist onspeech and behavior codes to stem the tide of hatred anddisrespect; when legal cases become shouting matches; when theInternet is littered with raunch; when political campaigns resemblefood fights; when trash talk and head butts are the idiom ofsports; and when popular culture tops itself from week to week withdisplays of violence, sex, foul language and puerile confession.

At best, it is a bad time to be a zealot for decorum. At worst,anarchy lurks just around the corner.

CRITICAL CONDITION

Walcott is not the only citizen alarmed at this prospect. As anew poll conducted in February by "U.S. News" and Bozell Worldwidereveals, a vast majority of Americans feel their country hasreached an ill-mannered watershed.

Nine out of 10 Americans think incivility is a serious problem,and nearly half think it is extremely serious. Seventy-eightpercent say the problem has worsened in the past 10 years, andtheir concern goes beyond annoyance at rudeness. Respondents see inincivility evidence of a profound social breakdown.

More than 90 percent of those polled believe it contributes tothe increase of violence in the country; 85 percent believe itdivides the national community; and the same number see it erodinghealthy values like respect for others.

Talk to Americans and a picture emerges of a nation addicted tothe pleasures of an unruly society -- its emphasis on individualexpression, its flouting of convention and its free vent ofemotions -- but shocked at the effects of this unruliness andincreasingly willing to take action against it.

Americans feel embattled in their personal and professionallives by a rising tide of nastiness. And in an era when ideologiesof race, gender, class and religion divide the country, it is anastiness the country can ill afford, because it amounts to a kindof social deafness, says Martin Marty, a philosopher of religionswho has written on the subject.

"You cannot have a complex society in which you do not hear theother party, the antagonist," explains Marty.

"If you're just doing a monologue, or just hanging out withyour crowd, it's impossible to sustain a society. And if there isto be any justice, it has to come through a conversation ofdifferent interests and different wills.

"Incivility says, 'I'm right, you have no hearing; I'm going todo the talking; I'm going to shout you down.' "

Ironically, definition presents a first obstacle to solving theproblem. The word civility is derived from the Latin word civis, orcitizen, and is also foreshadowed in the word civitas, or the artof government. It can mean, among other things, good breeding,politeness, consideration or courtesy but may also refer to a"polite act or utterance," according to Webster's dictionary.

But postmodernism makes hash of such definitions. When fewpeople can agree on a common set of behaviors or values, civilitycan be seen as both a code word for right-wing Christian values anda stalking horse for left-wing multiculturalism, the former ananti-abortion agenda, the latter a pro-diversity platform.

But in the best of worlds, as Marty suggests, civility shouldbe non-partisan. It should be the glue holding dialogue together.

"The alternative to civility is first incivility," he says,"and then war."

That message is dire, but it seems to be taking root. Convincedthat the country's coarseness has gone far enough, people ofdifferent economic backgrounds, ethnicities, sexes and ideologicalpersuasions, along with institutions as varied as schools, statebar associations, churches and businesses, have begun to take thefirst tentative steps to reverse the trend.

They have their work cut out for them.

SCHOOLS

From one end of the country to the other, parents and teacherscomplain of the lack of civility among children and the disrespectthey show their elders. The problem cuts across all class andracial lines.

In a recent survey of educators by the American Association ofSchool Administrators, the teaching of the golden rule -- treatothers as you want to be treated -- was found to be an urgentnecessity.

"No Rules," reads a decal on the back window of a car parkedoutside Robert E. Lee High School in Montgomery, with a studentpopulation of 1,758.

Here, a handful of seniors agree that it is far too late tolearn respect for one another. At the school's entrance, a statueof Lee, the Confederate general and quintessential Southerngentleman, presides over a teen-age brawl that might be a microcosmof the nation as a whole.

At this racially mixed school in a middle-class neighborhood,getting by means getting mean. Students generally don't open doorsor speak to people they don't know. In the hallways, it's shove orbe shoved.

"If you're standing in the hallway and someone's coming, ifthey want to come your way, you better move," says Cindy Roy, asenior. "Because if you don't, they're just going to take you downand keep on going."

Underlying this attitude toward rudeness, unspoken butuniversally acknowledged, is a nervousness about violence. Rumorhas it that some girls carry knives in their hair and some boyshave guns. Guidance counselor Carole Mackin says recent metaldetector tests have not turned up ample evidence of such weapons.But students remain cautious just the same.

At Robert E. Lee, five minutes a day is now devoted tocharacter education, a popular program around the country that wasput into place last year by the Alabama Legislature. As studentsgather in their homerooms in the morning, someone reads a poem, astory or an edifying thought over the intercom.

The effort, however, has about as much attention-grabbing poweras a sermon at a rock concert. Seniors say character education iswidely regarded as a joke. By and large, no one listens, andteachers don't have much say in the matter. They get only as muchrespect as they show to the students, and that is precious littlein some classes.

State Rep. Bill Fuller, who helped to push through thelegislation, now believes high school is too late to teach valueslike respect and courtesy. He says the work has to begin muchearlier -- at home, for instance, or in elementary school.

And that is where Walcott concentrates the efforts he haslaunched under the auspices of the American Foundation for CourtesyInc. The Guyanese native is amazed at the breakdown of mannershere. One aspect of his schooling seems particularly lacking in hisadopted country, he says.

"The teacher always remained in charge and was alwaysrespected. Even if you didn't have respect for the person, youstill had respect for the office," Walcott says. "I believe Americacould learn something from that."

LAW

One area in which respect for institutions has erodeddramatically in recent years is the law. Outside of theirprofession, lawyers have become symbols of everything crass anddishonorable in American public life. Within it, they have becomeincreasingly combative and uncivil toward each other.

One survey of lawyers and judges by federal court officials inthe upper Midwest found that 41 percent believe the lack ofcivility is a problem. Of those 41 percent, a large majority thinkproblems exist when lawyers deal with each other.

The respondents blamed economic competition among law firms,the rise of "Rambo" litigators who battle opponents ruthlessly,lying, cheating and threats of malpractice from angry clients fortheir colleagues' unmannerly behavior. Of course, it also is truethat while Americans revile lawyers, they have a hand in this messbecause they have turned virtually every kind of unhappiness into alegal claim.

Since the late 1980s, state bar associations around the countryhave attempted to clean up their acts, asking lawyers to treatclients, judges and each other with "courtesy, candor, cooperationand scrupulous observance," as the Texas Lawyer's Creed reads.

"There were more than a few stories about physical altercationsin depositions, between lawyers, sometimes involving clients, morethan a few stories about lawyers on the verge of physicalaltercation in courthouse hallways," says Texas Supreme CourtJustice Nathan Hecht. "We felt like we needed to do something toturn down the fire."

The value of those codes is now being debated at the nationallevel. Next month, a panel at the American Bar Association Centerfor Professional Responsibility will look at the impact and valueof the codes. Hecht says there has been an improvement in Texas,but any deep-seated change in behavior will take at least half ageneration.

POLITICS

Even good manners can go only so far. Many believe the realissue is to develop a more profound sense of respect to undergirdthose manners -- the kind of respect necessary to make politicalprocesses work.

For many Americans, government is one of those institutionsmost lacking in civility. Campaigns are dominated by negative andsometimes misleading ads, and a favorite tactic is demonizingopponents.

Historically, Americans have alternated cycles of ugly behaviorwith those of admirable decorum. George Washington was famous forhis manners, displaying them both at the personal level to showrespect to individuals and at the political level to demonstraterespect before the law.

On at least one occasion, says Richard Brookhiser, author of arecent biography on Washington, he combined both to momentouseffect.

In 1797, John Adams was inaugurated as the second president ofthe United States. On the dais next to him were Vice PresidentThomas Jefferson and retiring president Washington.

"When the new president finished and left," writes Brookhiser,"Washington motioned to Jefferson to go next. The two Virginianshad known each other since 1769, when Washington had been 37 yearsold and Jefferson only 26. From long habit and lingering respect,Jefferson now held back. But Washington gestured again, in a mannernot to be ignored. The younger man was now vice president and mustgo first."

Vestiges of that decorum still exist and allow the governmentto get on with its business. Despite its current reputation fordivisiveness, the House of Representatives might even serve as amodel for civility in other avenues of American life, says freshmanRep. Jesse Jackson Jr., a Democrat known for his good manners.

"Whether you agree with what Newt Gingrich and his crowd aredoing, whether you agree on the Democratic side if our leadershipis doing the right thing or not, the decorum of the House keeps itfrom breaking into an all-out fight," says Jackson.

"If the same level of civility existed in other levels ofsociety, there would probably be a lot less violence, a lot lesshostility," he says. "Can you imagine if gangs were saying, 'Willthe gentleman who represents everyone who lives south of 63rdStreet please give me just a moment to make a point?' as opposed tosaying, 'Let's shoot everyone who lives south of 63rd Street.' "

POPULAR CULTURE

Provocative behavior has been big in the entertainment businessever since Elvis Presley shook his pelvis on national televisionback in the 1950s. But even here, times seem to be changing, as thecrudities of Sharon Stone battle with the niceties of Jane Austen.

For the past decade, since the unexpected box office success of"A Room With a View" in 1986 and culminating last year in theappearance of three widely acclaimed movies based on Austen novels,moviegoers have flocked to see stories set in eras when manners andrestraint played a dominant role in society.

In terms of both receipts and critical praise, these films haveburied more sensational fare like the overhyped stripteaseextravaganza "Showgirls" and the grotesquely violent "Copycat," asign that audiences may be as willing to sit through decorousparlor chat as through nude scenes and mutilation.

But the popularity of civility in the popular culture may haveless to do with opposition to violence, sex and bad language thanwith the indignities of public confession, says Bill Maher, host ofa popular talk show called "Politically Incorrect."

"There is a daily monument to the breakdown of civilizationevery day in all these talk shows," Maher insists. "I call themgawk shows. What's uncivil to me is this idea that the worst thingyou could be is not famous."

On the other hand, Maher admits he is the last person in theworld to start a manners crusade. While part of his show isdedicated to civil conversations between people with differentviews of the world -- "a sophisticated cocktail party," as hedescribes it -- another essential element is provocation. Forexample, the attempt to get creative obscenities by the censor.

"It's just fun," explains Maher. "It feels good, so I do it."

As harmless as they may seem, Maher's words reveal a centralparadox about America's approach to its own bad behavior. On theone hand, we do not like to see children talking rudely to parents,students disrespecting teachers, or politicians dragging each otherthrough the mud.

Nevertheless, we tend to applaud rebels, those who speak andbehave honestly, if not properly. We like our rough-hewn cowboyswho walk into the saloon loaded with integrity but short oncultivation. And we especially enjoy the spectacle of a good fight,as the competitiveness of national sports and politics, theviolence in movies and the aggressiveness of music fromrock-and-roll to rap make clear.

That's because a certain kind of incivility is key to beingAmerican, says seasoned talk show host Sally Jessy Raphael. Hertop-rated program has been a frequent target of criticism and ashowcase for all kinds of behavior, from the angelic to the rude tothe psychotic.

Raphael argues that it is difficult for Americans to make uptheir minds about what actually constitutes bad behavior. Shebelieves, for instance, that her talk show is a paragon of civildiscourse because it promotes a clear-eyed view of people and thecountry.

"If we reflect any kind of degradation of the moral fiber ofthe country, it's a reflection of what is," she explains in her owndefense. "And I think we represent that with honesty andcompassion, and when you do that, you're not lowering the level ofcivility. You're presenting what I consider to be the present stateof affairs."

In the end, whether American culture is uncivil or not may beless relevant than how it is received by the rest of us.

The U.S. News/Bozell poll suggests that people are worriedabout the impact of a coarsening culture on others. But they seemconfident in their own ability to withstand the mean-spirited tide.

For instance, one senior at Robert E. Lee, Tamika Crittenden,refuses to hold rap stars, athletes and other celebritiesresponsible for her behavior. Tamika grew up among threegenerations of family: parents, grandparents andgreat-grandparents. All three passed on their beliefs about mannersand good behavior, and those beliefs form the basis of how shetreats other people, not what Charles Barkley, Tupac Shakur andBeavis and Butt-head do. If nothing else, Tamika says she hassurvived high school with those beliefs firmly in place.

ETIQUETTE

If the content of civility is respect, then its form might bemanners, says Marjabelle Young Stewart, who specializes in tryingto improve them. Saying "please" and "thank you," opening doors forothers and allowing an elderly person to have your seat on the busmay seem like little things, but they amount to a physicalrecognition of the dignity of the other person, she says.

Surprisingly, etiquette seems to be making a comeback. Bookssuch as "Executive Etiquette," "Multicultural Manners," "Do As ISay" and old standards like the "Miss Manners Guide" areproliferating on shelves. Ms. Stewart herself is a popularevangelist. For the first time since the 1960s, her schedule is nowbooked years in advance.

One of her clients is Associated Employers, an Illinois-basedemployers' group representing 196 companies and 60,000 employees inthe Quad Cities region. Five years ago, the group invited Ms.Stewart to give a lecture on table manners. The event was sopopular that it has become an annual event.

Manners also have become a priority at AT&T offices in NewJersey, following years of casual dress and behavior inspired bycultural trends of the 1960s and 1970s. Company executives havereceived training from Ms. Stewart, as have executives at MerrillLynch.

"Manners are the new status accessory," Ms. Stewart tells herstudents. "Pricier than a Rolex, more portable than a Day-Timer andshinier than handmade shoes. Polished graces can get you whereyou're going faster than a speeding BMW."

But there are those who argue that civility can be overrated.As civil-society advocate Amitai Etzioni points out, even if peopletreat each other with respect across the table, they still mustresolve differences that go far beyond civil discourse and behavior.

Matters of sexual and racial equality, unemployment, healthcare, religious belief and hatred may remain intransigent, as theyhave in the past, no matter how respectful people are to oneanother.

But back in Montgomery, Walcott believes civility does affectthe larger questions.

"Incivility makes a bad situation worse," he says. "I believethat two groups who hate one another and may not know why they hateone another may very well find out that their hatred and suspicionwere unfounded when they realize how human each can be to theother."

So, with music, T-shirts, guitars and tokens, Walcott does whathe can to spread the word.

Still, on a bad day, he says with a weary glint in his eyes, hefeels like Don Quixote tilting at windmills.

And most of the time, the windmills do not even say "thank you." U.S. News & World Report. Distributed by Los Angeles TimesSyndicate.